


A lifetime

by kate_fy



Series: Frozen One Shots [5]
Category: Frozen (Disney Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family Feels, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:07:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23619508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kate_fy/pseuds/kate_fy
Summary: AU | Elsamaren dealing with loss
Relationships: Elsa/Honeymaren (Disney)
Series: Frozen One Shots [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1644952
Comments: 3
Kudos: 39





	A lifetime

She stood in front of the window; arms crossed over her chest. The sky was a dark shade of grey, rain was threatening to pour relentlessly. Her heart ached, not only for the weather that worked as an awful reminder of the pain they had gone through, but because of what they were going through  _ now, _ in the present. 

“Are you sure this is what you want?” She asked her, turning around from the window and facing her. The answer - whether it was something she wanted to hear or not, wouldn’t define her course of action. She loved her that much to stay through everything, but she needed to hear what she wanted, what she expected of this. “For fucks sake Elsa, if you want me to leave I will’’ She snapped, her voice filled with something awfully similar to anger, but it wasn’t that. Maren watched the blonde flinch, her gaze still glued to the floor, hands hidden in between her  thighs . She sighed. ‘’I’d do anything for you. If you want me to leave, I will’’ 

But Elsa didn’t say anything and while that brought relief to the brunette, it was only momentary. Seeing the state of the woman she loved, was excruciating enough. She made her way across the living room, kneeling in front of her wife, putting both her hands in her knees. 

They had come such a long way from the first encounter at the local café downtown, to the first months of dating, years ago. Maren smiled remembering the shy girl she had come to fiercely love, the confident woman she had watched her become. How every aspect of Elsa was intoxicating and driving her insane, even today after 10 years of being together. And even though they had 10 years of pretty highs and goods, it was bound to have lows and  bads . But this was worse than she had anticipated. 

Her heart was still recovering from the devastation and the agony of watching her wife fight for her life in a hospital bed, of watching them lose their unborn child. She was somehow still grateful not to have buried her wife six-feet underground but a part of her still felt like the person that came back from the hospital was merely a ghost of what Elsa used to be. And while she tried and tried to understand and offer her help, there was this big wall placed between them, that only grew bigger. Elsa grew apart from her friends, her family and even Anna. But the redhead was stubborn and still hadn’t given up. 

Weekly counseling was still mandatory – along with physical therapy - it had been only a few months since the accident and no progress had been made, mentally speaking. Still, Maren felt as helpless as ever in her life. She had taken a leave, she had grief to deal with too. But now she felt like she was not only dealing with their unborn child’s death but also her wife’s in a way.

She shook her head, forcing herself to the present as tears threatened to fall. She squeezed her wife’s hands, forcing her to look back at her. Maren’s light caramel brown eyes locked with her bright blue ones and for a second, she allowed herself to drown in them like she used to. For that blue was her favorite color. The color of the sky on a sunny day, of the freshness of summer and the sea breeze. But also, of winter and the rain, of peace, safety and love, _ oh _ so much love. She loved her so much it was unbearable at times, painful even. 

Her thoughts were grounded as she spotted the emptiness and the pain irradiating from them. It was overwhelming, even for her. Tears fell down her rosy cheeks and Maren leaned closer, leaving a trail of soft kisses on each side of her cheeks, under her eyes. She was there, she was present. 

“Don’t leave, Honey” Elsa whispered; her voice raspy and shaky. And Maren smiled. Every night since the accident she had prayed to hear her voice again, her name coming out of her lips in the only way that made her feel home and safe. And after months of feeling adrift, lost and hopeless, she was feeling like she did the first time they had chosen to spent their life together. ‘’I’m sorry’’ Elsa whispered again.

Maren put some distance between them, allowing her to look at her face. Elsa was looking down, fidgeting with her fingers. ‘’What are you sorry for?’’ This was something they had agree on, instead of invalidating her feelings or correcting them, they would allow her to explain them so they could start a conversation, something she had denied everyone from. 

‘’Being a burden’’ Elsa’s voice was small, almost a whisper. But Maren heard it, a frown settling on her face. 

‘’A burden? Why do you think you’re a burden?’’ She dared to ask fearing the answer.

The blonde shrugged. ‘’I can’t walk’’ 

‘’You can walk and you will walk. You fractured both your legs but you’re recovering’’ 

Elsa raised her head but never met her gaze. ‘’I’m not a good wife’’ She whispered so quietly; Maren was sure that if she wasn’t standing close, she wouldn’t have heard it. 

‘’You’ve been the best wife I have ever had’’ She joked, trying to make her smiled but was unsuccessful. ‘’You’re the best partner I could’ve asked for. You’re comprehensive, confident. You understand me like no one else does and you love me like no one else had. You are organized and methodic, you’re clean and very hygienic. You’re also extremely pretty and you smell good. You’re amazing in bed and perfect in everything you do.  You’re -’’

‘’I still killed our baby’’ She whispered loud enough this time for Maren to hear and shut up. Her own heart dropped from her chest to her stomach at the mention of it, especially coming from her. Ever since the accident Elsa had barely spoken a few words, none of them regarding their child. And while Maren had somehow come to terms with it, made peace with that awful and heart-wrenching loss, she was still far from over it but hearing it from Elsa, made it real, tangible and painful,  _ oh _ so painful. 

But she needed to be strong for her wife, she needed to be the pillar holding this fort together. She couldn’t let this crumble to pieces, not after everything they had gone through. ‘’It’s not your fault Elsa, you didn’t kill our baby’’ 

Her blue eyes filled with tears met hers. ‘’But I did. I should’ve been more  careful; I was supposed to protected it from the world’’ 

‘’You did nothing wrong, Elsa. It was accident that wasn’t even caused by you. I don’t blame you; I would never blame you’’ She tried to reason with her but Elsa’s gaze left her and was now glued to the floor again. ‘’Look at me’’ Maren called her, lifting her chin. She did as  told . ‘’I don’t blame you for what happened. It was an accident and we lost someone very precious. But losing you? That would’ve wrecked me. I refused to lose you back then and now... I bowed myself I would protect you from any harm but  _ this- _ " Maren put her hand in Elsa’s chest. “- this feeling you have in your heart, I carry it too. You’re wrong to think grieving is something we do alone. Because I’m here and I won't leave you,  _ never _ ” 

And for the first time in months she saw a glimpse of a small smile form in Elsa’s face. “I’m sorry"

“No, stop apologizing. We grieve, we cry the loss and we carry it with us as a reminder not to take anything for granted but we don’t let it stop us. If so, it helps us move forward. We can try  again and again, because having a family with you is something I’d never give up”

“We can try but not yet. I’m not ready"

“Whenever you’re ready.  _ I’ll wait a lifetime for you _ ’’ 

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, I know life isn’t as colorful as this. That grief isn’t as easily to overcome as this portraits it. It takes time and help, and oh man, so much love and care. But it’s a one shot and I was so inspired writing it and then I looked at my phone for half a second and all my inspiration went to shit and I forced myself to finish it because all it needed was like two more lines. I’m sorry. I just love Elsamaren so much. 
> 
> I swear I’m trying to write more fluff, but it’s harder than it looks ): 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for the support, it really helps.


End file.
